RUINATION– Amid the celebration of Ruination’s 4-2 win and seventh championship, something of a quantum controversy has scientists and New Age believers excited. “As you can see,” said herbalist Zohar Nabzakian, “the Sutton is in two places at the same time!”
Mystery ensues as Sutton (back, third from left) appears in championship photo while simultaneously playing in Hopslam finals series
Forward Chris Sutton (clearly pictured here), seemingly appears to have been a part of the decisive Game 2 victory over the Black Bears Tuesday night. “However,” explained Nabzakian, “That is technically not possible, since he played in the Hopslam game, which was going on at the same time!”
Indeed, the record shows that Sutton had two assists in the win over Tope Solo. Scientists are at a loss for an explanation, noting that idea of objects existing in two different places at the same time are largely reserved for subatomic particles and tax evaders.
Sutton wasn’t the only one to seemingly appear at the game despite purportedly being somewhere else. “[Defenseman Mark Woods] played better than last game,” exclaimed Jordan Swift, who finished with two goals and an assist. However, Woods did not seemingly appear for a single shift in either game, according to official records.
“Some say it was a ghost,” said a mysterious man in black lurking in the shadows, referring to Sutton’s appearance. “Some say it was a publicity stunt pulled by Ricky Winowiecki (assist).”
Added the man in the shadows: “Or maybe he just ran over after the game and jumped into the photo. No one will ever really know.”
The fact that no one will know will prove unfortunate, as sources say that “knowing is half the battle.”
John Vella and Brian LeFevre each scored a goal. Rusty Barron was steady in net, bringing his sixth title to the Ashley’s franchise.