ANN ARBOR– Amid their second loss in as many games, defending champions Hopslam fell to the Yaks 1-4 Tuesday night, proving too much for defenseman Chris Sutton. “Needless to say, I won’t be there for the game,” he said, referring to what team officials assumed will be Saturday’s game against Sasquatch.
Sutton dodges questions while referring to himself as rap artist “Fitty Per Cent” following Hopslam’s 1-4 loss Tuesday
“It’s tough stuff when you lose,” said GM Mark Woods. “It’s even tougher when you’re the back-to-back defending champs. It can make a man snap.”
“I hope Chris is okay,” he added.
Sutton, according to reports in the locker room, began acting erratically following the game. Amid the muttering, players detected what seemed to be a rhyming pattern, with stress on syllables in what seemed to be iambic pentameter.
“I thought he said was fifty per cent, but now I realize that’s his new rapper name,” said an anonymous teammate. “That would explain the rhyming, references to several ‘bitches & hos,’ and something about getting 22″ rims for his Honda.”
Team doctors did not react with surprise upon hearing this, noting that Sutton he went through an “Executive Director Cowboy” phase while in the minor leagues, dressing in a three-piece suit and cowboy hat while calling himself Garth Brooks’ Brother. “He’ll be fine,” said the team doctor, Givin Tillit-Hertz. “He may even crack the R&B Top 25 with a little luck.”