Winowiecki announces presidential candidacy, swearing to paint the White House lime green
ANN ARBOR– In the wake of Ruination’s 1-4 loss Monday evening, business mogul and staunch Republican Ricky Winowiecki announced his bid for the GOP ticket in 2016, running on the campaign of intolerance. “I’m intolerant of intolerant people,” Winowiecki was once quoted saying, following a discussion of religion, race, sexual orientation, jobless rates, stem cell research, and the relevance of Bud Light Lime.
“I love Bud Light Lime,” added Winowiecki.
The bid for presidency comes as no surprise to political pundits, who have noted Winowiecki’s “lust for power.”
“This guy cornered the t-shirt market for the greater metropolitan Ann Arbor area within five years through intimidation and an absolute disdain for the small business owner, even as he claimed to uphold ‘family values,'” said blogger Dominick Noel, from the liberal-leaning political site ChristmasDonkey.com.
When asked about his stance on pay rate disparities between women and men, could only note that the situation was hairy, stating: “Welcome to the va-jungle.”
Andrew Thompson, who plans to vote for Libertarian darkhorse candidate Chris Sutton in 2016, scored Ruination’s lone goal.