ANN ARBOR– Following it’s 10-2 win over Mott C Men Tuesday night, Republican candidate and forward Ben Carson threatened to leave Ruination. Citing that the scoring was “gratuitous,” the Detroit native and famed retired neurosurgeon criticized teammates, accusing them of running up the score for tie-breaking purposes.
“If this was the beginning of a plan to subvert the will of the voters and replace it with the will of the political elite, I assure you Donald Trump will not be the only one leaving the party,” said Carson in a press conference following the game.
Among those receiving criticism included forward Sean Hazzaray, who finished with four goals and two assists, Ryan Williams (2 goals, assist), and Ricky Winowiecki (goal, assist). “What a stud. I bet he got so much trim after that game,” said Winowiecki, speaking about himself, having just finished former MLB and NFL star Bo Jackson’s latest best-selling self-help book, Bo Knows Self Promotion, Not So Much First Person Narrative.
Carson also mentioned John Vella’s late goal with under three minutes to play as “uncalled for.” Trump, who left the team earlier in November, defended Vella, noting that “the reason it’s a goal is that it can be and should be achieved.” He later fired all the administrative staff for the Ashley’s Hockey organization, despite not having that authority, nor actually knowing anyone working for the organization.
“I hate it when Mark tries to mix in political news with the team’s score,” said an undisclosed fan who only votes in presidential elections, choosing candidates by the most recent attack ad prior to leaving the house for the voting booth.