Newbies Get Forrest Gump Treatment

ANN ARBOR– Hopslam newcomers Brendan Kennedy, Leo Betz, and Griffen Munzel were subjected to “Forrest Gump” hazing in Tuesday’s 2-2 tie with the Yaks. “This line’s taken,” said an unnamed grubby Alabama schoolboy, possibly Bobby Boy Brock.

Brock, Sutton, and Povenski each in turn deny access to their line in Tuesday's game with the Yaks

(Left to right) Brock, Sutton, and Povenski stare with cold, dead eyes as each in turn deny access to their line in Tuesday’s game with the Yaks

“Taken,” said another oddly flinty-eyed child whom sources suggest may have been center Chris Sutton.

“You can’t skate here!” said what sounded like a New England-accented boy, perhaps Greg Povenski.

A bit crestfallen and uncertain, the trio found each other on a line together that produced one of the two goals for the evening (Betz). “I had a blast playing,” said Betz, putting a positive spin on an otherwise difficult evening.

Kennedy and Munzel chimed in, noting that they were happy to be on a line together. “We’re the new guys line!” said Munzel, noting that he and his new teammates may start a burger chain with a similar name.

“Mama always said hockey’s like a bag of hot dog buns,” said GM Mark Woods. “Filled with doughy, white breads just lyin’ there doing a bunch of nothing.”

Woods noted that “Mama” never actually watched hockey, and was clearly a “touch racist, bein’ from Alabama and all.”

Sutton scored the first goal.