Ferguson a Belieber!

ANN ARBOR– Forward Dave Ferguson was a healthy scratch for Wednesday’s 1-4 Aventinus loss to Goon Squad, noting that he was “lucky it’s not much more.” Initial reports claimed an accident involving a gravel truck. “Despite my sedan being tossed and crumpled, I walked away,” stated Ferguson.

Ferguson thrilled enough to skip Wednesday's game against Goon Squad to dream of new Bieber album, sources claim

Ferguson thrilled enough to skip Wednesday’s game against Goon Squad to dream of new Bieber album, sources claim

However, news sources became suspicious, since Ferguson had claimed a similar confrontation with a deer “hopped up on goof balls” last October.Under fire, Ferguson admitted to having what some are describing as near-religious experience after news that pop-star Justin Bieber has been in the recording studio, fueling speculation that a new album may be out this year.

“I wonder if he’s writing songs about Selena (Gomez) or Hailey (Baldwin)?” wondered a very excited Ferguson. When center Scott Bray (assist) included model Sofia Richie as another possible muse for Bieber’s latest recording efforts, Ferguson eyes grew wide as he called her “the luckiest person.”

Not all were understanding of Ferguson’s absence. When pressed to explain the rash of healthy scratches over the two-game slide for Aventinus, GM Mark Woods said that the current roll call system is antiquated, but all that is available. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him email you back and let you know if he’s IN or OUT,” said Woods.

“Horses can’t email,” observed physicist and forward Dave Winn (goal).

Ferguson shook off any criticism, claiming to follow Bieber’s latest song, “Love Yourself.”

Aventinus looks to rebound Sunday when they face the WT Killer Bees.