League Proposes ‘No Tuck’ Rule

Protesters showed signs of displeasure over the “no tuck” rule proposal Sunday.

ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 11-3 victory over the Ice-o-topes Saturday, league officials announced a proposed rule change generally known as the “no tuck” rule. “This is an outrage,” said players and fans regarding the announcement.

Calling the rule “potentially sexist,” feminist activist attorney Jen DerBender has already threatened a lawsuit. “Tucking is as much a part of the game as showering,” said DerBender.

DerBender further stated that she was so incensed by the proposal that she couldn’t see “why they are such di*ks.”

P. Enis Tuckenworth, the so-called founder of “tucking,” feared the rule would have a chilling effect, but would not ultimately stop players from tucking. “We absolutely won’t stop until all of this is behind us,” he stated at a protest rally just outside of the Ice Cube skating arena.

Players have had mixed reactions. Forward Brian Lefevre (4 goals) had no idea what tucking is, while avid tuckers, such as Ricky Winowiecki, seemed crestfallen. “I guess I’ll tuck my tail between my legs instead,” he said after a failed bid to remove the proposal from league proceedings.

Ruination will the Yaks Tuesday.