BOZEMAN– Former Hopslam Winger Zeb Bruckman has recently completed his training in preparation for his highly anticpated “grudge match” with Russian Boxer Ivan Ivanovich Draagonovski set for March 12. Using nothing more than heavy rocks, an old ox cart, and a daily regimant of running along goat trails in the Montana mountains, Bruckman expressed excitement at the opportunity of avenging his longtime friend and former heavyweight champion Racecolor Creed, who tragically died after sustaining severe injuries in an exhibition bout with Draagonovski.
“Draagonovskiiiiii!” bellowed Bruckman from the top of the mountain.
“Blee-ah!” bleated several of his goats in support of his quest.
Bruckman left Ashley’s to pursue a brief career as a house-husband before embarking on this quest for symbolic end to the Cold War, despite the dismantling of the Soviet Union nearly 30 years ago. When asked to explain, Bruckman, mixing his movie references merely stated, “If you ain’t first, yer last.”