Aging Defenseman, Team Celebrates Goal by Going Home, Doing Dishes

REDFORD– Following his goal in Ruination’s 5-1 win over the Dragons Saturday night, defenseman Mark Woods celebrated by driving home to “finish the dishes” left behind from a hastily made meal. “It was lasagna, and you don’t want that sitting out too long, otherwise it’s impossible to scrub the pan clean,” noted Woods.

When asked why he or the team was not celebrating the rare goal, Woods admitted that he had made the attempt. “I asked Chris (Sutton) if he was going out, and he just shook his head.”

Added Woods: “The guy drinks every weekend. He climbed a tree outside of Weber’s last week on a dare after drinking all night. I don’t get it.”

Sutton later explained that he had actually fallen out of the tree and needed a few weeks to heal up before attempting any more “shenanigans.”

“Plus, Ricky (Winowiecki) is out on a cruise. Without him around, what’s the point?”

Other teammates mentioned other celebratory plans, including: paying the babysitter, staying in with the wife I guess, various online gaming platforms, and drinking alcohol without Mark Woods.