Hopslam, Ruination Need More Shots

ANN ARBOR– Following President Biden’s speech excoriating the 80 million unvaccinated in the United States, Hopslam and Ruination did little to alleviate the situation when it was discovered that Hopslam failed to administer “enough shots” in their 2-6 loss to Ruination.

Pictures of needles with serum always make articles look more scientific

“It’s simple,” said Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) and the Chief Medical Advisor to the President. “Mask up. Double mask. Triple or fourple mask if necessary. And get more shots!”

Added Dr. Fauci: “Yeah, I said ‘fourple.'”

When asked about Hopslam’s lack of shots, captain Matt Okray noted that being “short defensively” led to the problems of administering shots. This prompted immediate outcries from BenchApp activists. “That’s offensive to short defensemen,” said Ruination forward Andrew Thompson.

Hopslam will face the Yaks D1 Saturday.