Ruination Celebrates Spicy Win by Rewriting Lyrics to 80s Songs to Include Missing Teammate

ANN ARBOR– Following their 6-2 win over Side Biscuit Spicy Boys, teammates celebrated by altering the titles or lyrics of 80s hit songs to include teammate Chris Sutton, who was reportedly “lying drunk on some beach in Mexico,” according to sources.

“Will he ever skate again?” Teammates long for Chris Sutton’s return (image may be subject to copyright)

Newcomer Chris Radomile noted that Ruination had a new “team song.” “[It] is now ‘Careless Whisper,'” he stated in the post-game press conference. Teammates, most of whom were not born in the 90s, let alone the 80s enjoyed what they called a “piece of pop history.”

“This song is for Chris [Sutton],” forward Andrew Thompson said with a hint of pride.

Teammates also altered Billy Ocean’s “Suddenly” by replacing the title word with “Suttonly,” agreeing that the song now “just makes more sense to [them].”