ANN ARBOR– The Hack Lives Matter movement in the early part of 2020 called for the defunding of referees, prompting the liberalization of the interpretation of league rules and regulations, have come back to haunt the league Tuesday night in Ruination’s 3-5 loss to Sasquatch. Sasquatch defenseman Nate O’Neil received a 4-game suspension after the league applied the “one game per every two and a half hits, give or take” rule.
“It used to be that assault or battery would come with up to 93 days in jail and $500 fine,” noted criminal and tort enthusiast and Director of Marketing Matt Okray. “But, after HLM and the riots they caused, 4 games is about what you can expect.”
For its part, the league has denied that the ruling has anything to do with defunding the referees, though every referee in the league has claimed that their “real” wages have gone down, though some have attributed that to inflationary policies.
“What do you expect for a lousy $25 a game?” asked referee Phillippe Flop. “It takes like 5-6 games just to pay the cable bill up in this piece. I ain’t gonna break up no fights.”
For his part, O’Neil vowed to actually join the team for the summer, serve his suspension, and “strive to be a better player and better person.” Unrelated to the incident, Tate NO’Toniel has been added to the roster for Sunday’s game. “I love how his sunglasses and extra long beard make him look nothing like Nate,” noted Sasquatch manager Jack Off.