Ashley’s Hopslam (2-1) ran into a younger, tougher team in the Depot Town Stags Saturday night, dropping their first game of the season 1-3 in a fairly physical game. Matt Schaefer made the statistician’s job easy by scoring the lone goal unassisted.
“It was a great goal,” said winger Jeff Price. “Had he turned a second earlier or a second later, the guy would have caught him and he wouldn’t have scored.”
The team was certainly disappointed, initially refusing interviews. Center Scott Coates, who was later found in a local Canton bar, had only this to say: “I don’t like ‘Turn the Page’ by (Bob) Seger, or any song where the singer is like, ‘oh, my life on the road as a successful rock star is so hard!'” When pressed about the game, he said cryptically, “You gotta watch ‘Drunk History Volume 5.'”
Coates and his associates had at least six pitchers of beer empty before them when asked about the game.
Kotimko Sighting
Meanwhile, league investigators Sunday were relieved to find the mercurial Keith Kotimko, who did not report to training camp following the team’s first round loss in the playoffs. “He played last night for the Pylons (of the Hattrick Hockey League),” exclaimed an overjoyed Al Juback.
Kotimko apologized to fans and the league, stating that he had gotten a bit busy with “work and stuff.”
“I should have answered my email,” he said in an official statement, later promising to be at Tuesday’s game against the Yaks.