Day: June 18, 2014

New Amazon Phone Distracts

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam beat Cubs AC Tuesday night 3-0 in a dominating defensive performance, though sources admit that it’s “really hard to focus on that” in light of the recently announced Amazon Fire Phone, set to be released exclusively…

U.S. Patent Office May Force Ruination Name Change

WASHINGTON– In a move paralleling its announcement regarding the Washington Redskins NFL franchise, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has threatened Ashley’s Ruination, claiming that the team is “disparaging to women named Ashley” following its 4-3 win over Mott. “Somewhere…