ANN ARBOR–Following the bloody battle Wednesday evening, League Director Abraham “Lincoln” Colwell addressed an audience there to commemorate the great battle of Ashleysburg, ending with a Hopslam 9-2 victory over the Aventinus troops.
“Four scores and seven or so other goals later,” began the president– er, league director, “our skaters brought forth to this arena a new league, conceived in team fees, and dedicated to the proposition that all men and women must have USA Hockey insurance.”
Continued Colwell:” Now we are engaged in a great civil war– some call the Summer D1/D2 season, testing whether that team, or any team so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.”
Colwell continued by dedicating the Varsity rink to this great battle, which featured three goals and an assist from Hopslam newcomer Jon Roklen, two goals from Scott Coates and Mike Leighton, though battlefield reports may not be entirely accurate.
For Aventinus, Scott Bray and newcomer Rebecca Koke tried to keep spirits high, each scoring a goal, but the Hopslam forces proved just a bit too much. Bray scored against defenseman Al Juback (2 assists), a one-time teammate from the Canfield/Redford Campaigns.
“Brother against brother,” lamented Hopslam defenseman Steve Gorham, shaking his head slowly, lowering his gaze in sorrow.
Colwell’s address finished with humility and renewed sense of purpose. “It is for us the other D1/D2 teams, including Hopslam and Aventinus, to dedicate the unfinished work which they have thus far so nobly advanced, that this league, under God, shall have a new champion— not the Depot Town Stags or the Leafs– and that hockey of the players, by the players, for the players, shall not perish from the earth.”
The address was generally well-received, but many of the younger players said they would have preferred a Twitter “tweet” instead. League officials said they would oblige, pending the understanding of “what the heck a hashtag does… or is… or whatever.”