ANN ARBOR–This isn’t how the story goes; the nice guy gets the girl, wins the day… right? The story, however, felt more like a Greek tragedy as Aventinus came from behind twice to take the lead, only to ultimately fall 4-5 Wednesday night to defending champs, the Leafs.
“I think Oedipus said it best: I can’t look!” said GM Mark Woods, a man who clearly and inexplicably paid attention during AP English.
“You guys are just way too nice on the ice,” said defenseman and former rap star “L’il Joe” Crossno. He later mentioned that this was the team’s vice (re: playing nice), and that ‘mo-fo’s need to be eating more rice if they can’t pay the price… yo.’
“I knocked the girl down twice,” rhymed Steven Golombisky in his defense, referring to forward Nichole Woodward. Golombisky, last week on the playground, allegedly called her a “doody-head” and shoved her into a mud puddle. However, a note was found in her bag later this evening that read: “Do you like me? Check mark yes or no.”
Woodward was not available for comment, but noted that the Dream Cruise she hosted last week went off without a trailer hitch.
All efforts were ultimately in vain, though the team played valiantly. Winger Amy Senne added her first playoff point with an assist, further fueling her bid for a contract renegotiation. “She’s positively insufferable,” said GM Woods. “She was asking all about next season, and throwing money around like she’s all about eating the rice by paying the price.”
Added Woods: “That’s a catchy little song.”