Rocky Ruination Rematch

ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination made good in its rematch with Hopslam in a fight that went down to the wire, lifting itself up to a 5-1 victory over a somewhat over-confident reigning champion. “Last time, Ruination went distance, but just couldn’t beat the champ,” said analyst Al Bernstein. “This time was a little different, however.”

Indeed, following the first match, Ruination enjoyed modest levels of success, returning to its old neighborhood with enough prize money to afford a modest home and even a 1978 Firebird. However, additional revenue from expected advertisers never developed, leading Ruination to contemplate getting “back on the ice.” But, a promise to its wife who took her old job at the pet store and a difficult pregnancy leading to an induced coma kept the team from skating competitively.

“What are we waitin’ fer?!” yelled team trainer Mickey “Mick” Goldmill when Ruination’s wife recovered and asked that it “win” against Hopslam.

“The training was intense,” noted Berstein. “The run up the stairs alone was epic.”

The fight itself was a tough match, leading both teams to fall in exhaustion late in the third. “Oh!” cried a concerned Ruination wife, watching from her hospital bed.

As both teams continued to scratch and claw, Hopslam was unable to stand up in time, and Ruination took home the victory. Hopslam, however, is set to help Ruination train for its upcoming rematch against up and coming rivals, the Club Berlangs.