Stand-Up Comic Tries Out New Hockey Material

LIVONIA-Up and coming stand-up comedian Jake “the Fake” Pierson was inspired by Ashley’s Hopslam and Ruination Tuesday night, despite the team’s 2-5 loss to the Ice Dogs and 3-6 loss to the Ice-o-Topes C. “I’ve added about 10 minutes of hockey material, and I think it’s good enough to make it on the next album,” said an excited Pierson.

Pierson booked a gig at Joey’s Comedy Club in Livonia, Michigan, where he unveiled some of his new material. “Defenseman Mark Woods scored his first goal of season the other day… what’s that like, scoring for the first time? I think it’s kinda like losing your virginity… you feel a mixture of relief and confusion, a vague sense of guilt… you brag about in the locker room later and… you can’t wait to do it again!”

Added Pierson: “That also describes drinking and possibly marriage.”

Pierson talked about smelly hockey bags, noting that “there’s down wind, up wind, and Dave Winn,” referring to the soon-to-be Hall of Fame forward. “Dave said it’s not his fault, but that doesn’t quite pass the smell test.”

“Speaking of bags, I’m glad to see (rookie) Nick Cardamone finally replaced his carry-on luggage for a hockey bag,” he quipped. “TSA was getting tired of inspecting the bag on the rumor that there was a dirty bomb in there.”

“And, can someone tell me why the laws of, I don’t know, America, don’t apply on the rink? You commit a felony while wearing a helmet and gloves, and suddenly it’s a minor penalty. I suppose if you wore a helmet and gloves off the ice, you could probably get away with it, too. Oh, he’s… okay… ya… carry on. He’s a special guy, full of energy, that one! He’ll sleep good tonight.”

The audience laughed approvingly, and Pierson called it a “good start.” He promised to refine the material, perhaps adding in NHL players and teams into the bit, though noting that “nothing is as popular or as well-known as beer league. Everyone knows that.”