ANN ARBOR– Despite the 5-1 win, Aventinus skaters admitted to being “a bit creeped out” by what appeared to be an alternate-universe Gary Witt skating for the Yaks 2 team Sunday night. “He looked eerily like Gary,” said GM Mark…
Author: ashleyadmin
Maxi-Mouth Pad Fails to Contain Bleeding
ANN ARBOR– Product testing took place for the new Stay-Free Maxi-Mouth Pad Saturday as Ashley’s Ruination overcame a 0-2 deficit to defeat the Black Bears 5-3 in a contentious battle. Black Bears player William O’Brien volunteered to try the new…
Refs Successfully Turn Tide
ANN ARBOR– Through the valiant efforts of referee Tapu Silvenoinen, Black Ops was able to overcome a 0-3 first period that saw Hopslam’s Andrew Thompson score a natural hat trick to win 11-3 Saturday night. “‘Zat was close one, ya,”…
Aventinus’ New Strategy: Score Goals, Win
ANN ARBOR– Jeff Price suffered a “lower body injury” Wednesday as Hopslam battled the Ice-o-Topes 2, with Aventinus down by a goal. Initial reports suggested an ankle or knee sprain, while other reports mentioned a possible yeast infection. However, doctors confirmed…
Four Score and Hopslam Wins
ANN ARBOR– In an odd and inexplicable trend, Ashley’s Hopslam scored four goals for the fifth straight game, this time resulting in a 4-1 win over the Ice-o-Topes early Wednesday morning. Despite a skeleton crew, Hopslam dominated the Topes as…
Pizza, Whine, Spear It
ANN ARBOR–A tense battle between Ashley’s Ruination and Thompson’s Pizza Tuesday night resulted in a 4-1 win for Ruination, complaints over heretofore unknown referee Fred Molnar, and a spearing incident resulting a match penalty for Thompson’s Erik Longen, a last…
Goal Diggers Blasted: “Culturally Insensitive”
ANN ARBOR– Media attention focused on the Goal Diggers Sunday following their 3-2 win over Ashey’s Aventinus as their name continues to draw outrage from minority hockey groups across the Great Lakes states and much of Canada. “It’s like a…