Category: Ruination

Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team

Fifth and Sixth Seal of Apocalypse Opened

ANN ARBOR– Biblical eschatologists concluded that the “fifth and sixth seal” have been opened, inching mankind ever closer to the Apocalypse written in the Book of Revelation, sources reported Thursday following Hopslam’s 7-3 win over Ruination and the recent presidential…

Holiday Radio Station Takes Lead

DETROIT– Local radio station WNIC 100.3 FM announced Tuesday that it is actually playing Christmas music for the 2017 holiday season, deciding to get a 13-month jump ahead of any rival stations. “We’ll be playing It’s the Most Wonderful Time of…

Ruination Judged in Court of Public Opinion

AUBURN HILLS– GM Mark Woods brought his case against Ashley’s Ruination in the Court of Public Opinion Friday afternoon after team members allegedly refused to respond to the unofficial roll call sent the previous day. “I just need to know…

Stand-Up Comic Tries Out New Hockey Material

LIVONIA-Up and coming stand-up comedian Jake “the Fake” Pierson was inspired by Ashley’s Hopslam and Ruination Tuesday night, despite the team’s 2-5 loss to the Ice Dogs and 3-6 loss to the Ice-o-Topes C. “I’ve added about 10 minutes of…

New Hockey Bags Introduced

ANN ARBOR– Samsonite has entered the sporting apparel arena, introducing its new line of hockey bags Saturday. “We’re currently test marketing them in Michigan with some tremendous results,” beamed Samuel Samsonson III, President and CEO of Samsonite. The new line…

Defensive Pair Avoid Mistakes, Statistics

ANN ARBOR– Defensive pair Steve Gorham and Mark Woods once again managed to minimize their errors on the ice and completely avoid penalty minutes, goals, and assists as Ruination started its Spring season with a 6-3 win over Depot Town…