Category: Hopslam

Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team

Cat-Like Reflexes Saves Bag

ANN ARBOR– Bob Brock moved with lightning-quick, cat-like reflexes Tuesday night after DJ Loney tipped over the cooler, spilling water and ice dangerously close to Brock’s bag and strewn gear. “I’ve never seen him move faster,” said GM Mark Woods.…

Sports Round-Up

RUINATION– Rusty Barron notched his first shutout of the season in an 8-0 win over Depot Town Stags, in accordance with the prophecy. “It has been foretold,” say the spooky guy in the shadows wearing a velvet robe and speaking…

Hopslam Off the Schneid

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam notched its first win of the Spring season, beating St. Anky Beer 7-1 Tuesday to officially get “off the schneid.” Don Restauri scored two goals despite trade rumors swirling that he will be dealt to a…

Text Messages Reveal Frenemies

ANN ARBOR– Teenage worlds can be an intricate web of complicated relationships where distinctions between those who are loved and hated blur. This complexity was most prominently featured late Tuesday night following Hopslam’s 2-6 loss to Bangtown. “Me and Chris…

Eight Is Not Enough

ANN ARBOR– Despite the implication that a family with eight children is sufficient for anything from a Sacramento family from the 1970s to D1 team on a Saturday night, the reality proved untrue for Hopslam, as the team fell to…

Upbeat Hopslam Beaten by Topes

ANN ARBOR– General Manager Mark Woods took the sunny-side-of-the-street approach to Tuesday’s 1-4 loss against the Ice-o-Topes. “We improved each period,” said Woods. “Three more periods and we would have won.” Hopslam started the game with only seven skaters as…