RUINATION– Rusty Barron notched his first shutout of the season in an 8-0 win over Depot Town Stags, in accordance with the prophecy. “It has been foretold,” say the spooky guy in the shadows wearing a velvet robe and speaking with a whispered hiss. “The Iron Baron shall take it from ten to one in fifteen. While obscure for some, this clearly speaks of his goals against average in a specified number of games.” Questions of the validity of the prophetic claims from the so-called Gargoyle Codex arose when it claimed that the “defensive one of the woods, fleet of skate, good of looks, and all-around awesome, shall lead all scorers…”
HOPSLAM– Fans not in attendance were disappointed in the 3-4 loss to the Cleveland Steamers Saturday night, but relieved to discover that the team was not besieged by Branch Davidians, but rather had David Branch return to the team from his brief stint in Colorado. “I know the idea seems Waco,” said GM Mark Woods, “but I think David will help us Koresh the competition.” Woods later openly wondered if such puns were “too soon” or perhaps “too late” for readers.
AVENTINUS– Devout atheist Dave Ferguson continued along his path of relative morality when he declared in the locker room following Aventinus’ 3-1 win over North Coast that he could “go for another heinie.” It was later discovered that he was referencing a Heineken beer, and not a euphemism for “gettin’ some ass.” However, fans of Ashley’s pub are quick to note that “it really works out the same… no ifs ands or butts.”