ANN ARBOR– Citing issues of racism and the need to “drop a few pounds before the holidays,” Hopslam forward Bob Brock announced that he has vowed not to eat until newly-hired GM Tim Wolfe resigned.”I’m hungry,” said Brock, presumably hungry…
Month: November 2015
Dr. Seuss Urges Aventinus in Vain
ANN ARBOR– Beloved children’s author Dr. Seuss urged Aventinus on Wednesday night in its match-up with the Yaks D2 team, but could only inspire them to a 0-0 tie. “The buzzer creeps, the buzzer beeps, but just before, will you…
Millennial Reports Ruination Loss, Fails to Minimize Use of Word “So”
ANN ARBOR– Newly-hired Millennial reporter Dylan Hunter Berkeley-Townsend (or D.H., born 1992) provided a vague, disjointed summary of Ruination’s 3-4 loss to the WT Killer Bees C team Tuesday night. “Oh man! You should have seen it!” reported Berkeley-Townsend. Berkeley-Townsend…
Rocky Ruination Rematch
ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination made good in its rematch with Hopslam in a fight that went down to the wire, lifting itself up to a 5-1 victory over a somewhat over-confident reigning champion. “Last time, Ruination went distance, but just couldn’t…