RUINATION– Every team in the C-league with the exception of the Black Bears cheered Tuesday night after Ruination notched a 3-0 win over Trend Millwork, essentially guaranteeing a move to the B-League for the Winter 2015 season.
Noting that this news site blurs the line between news and satire, goaltender Rusty Barron didn’t know whether to laugh heartily or nervously.
Jason Spence, Brian Lefevre, and Sean Payeur each scored while goaltender Anthony Ciatti gave Ruination its first shutout of the season.
Woods (far left) heading to prom clearly without a date, but happy to be part of multi-cultural ride to local high school gym.
HOPSLAM– Hopslam took advantage of an understaffed St. Anky Beer team late Tuesday night with a 10-2 win. Brad Johnson scored a goal and an assist while apparently enjoying a 4-inch growth spurt, a very Bob Brock-like mustache, and about 50 lbs of… oh, let’s call it “muscle.”
Evidently, just about everybody scored except defenseman Mark Woods, prompting him to wonder if this wasn’t in fact his high school prom. “I wasn’t there, either,” he noted.
AVENTINUS– Ashley’s Aventinus lost 1-5 Wednesday night to the Leafs in a contentious game rife with playoff implications. “Every game counts, and every play counts,” noted GM Mark Woods. “Not every team makes it into the playoffs, and NHL scouts are always at these games looking for raw talent.”
“So,” added Woods, “it follows that the Leafs would slash, body check, and trip players for the sake of the win and the chance to impress.”
“Oh wait,” exclaimed Woods. “Every team actually does make it into the playoffs, and no one comes to watch the games!” No one saw Daryl Coleman score Aventinus’s lone goal.