Participation Trophy Anticipated

RUINATION– Ruination fell to Black Ops 8-9 Saturday evening, stretching their championship slump to five seasons. “I only have myself to blame,” said GM Mark Woods. “Mostly because hardly anyone ever showed up this season.”

Explained Woods: “Apparently, things like spending time with friends and family, travelling, and getting a decent night’s sleep before going to work the next day are more important than hockey. Nothing makes sense anymore.”

HOPSLAM– Hopslam needed overtime Saturday to move on into the semi-finals, topping Puckings 3-2. Alex Riley continued to make good on his promise to bring a championship back home to Hopslam, scoring two goals, including the overtime winner. “They don’t know who they are pucking dealing with,” said Riley, slipping on his LeBron James jersey before heading out of the rink.

AVENTINUS– Ashley’s Aventinus enjoyed a thrilling 3-2 overtime playoff win Sunday over Goon Squad, ensuring that both teams will not move on in the round robin tournament. “This is one of those great wins that leaves you with nothing,” said GM Mark Woods. “Just like climbing a mountain, running a half-marathon, receiving a high school diploma… you get the idea. Good stuff, but what are you really getting for the effort?”