ANN ARBOR– Following it’s 10-2 win over Mott C Men Tuesday night, Republican candidate and forward Ben Carson threatened to leave Ruination. Citing that the scoring was “gratuitous,” the Detroit native and famed retired neurosurgeon criticized teammates, accusing them of…
Author: ashleyadmin
Poem Praises Aventinus Win
ANN ARBOR– Following its 5-2 victory over Mott FK Sunday night, Ashley’s Aventinus was lauded by U.S. Poet Laureate Juan Felipe Herrera in a poem lauding the players and the game. What fear in better bitter beer can be seen…
Hopslam Tie Blamed on Multi-Tasking
ANN ARBOR– Hopslam stumbled a bit Tuesday night, giving up a third period 2-goal lead to finish with a 4-4 tie with the Ice Dogs. In the post-game analysis, GM Mark Woods cited recent studies indicating that multi-tasking and the…
Winn-Win Situation
ANN ARBOR– Despite the oddsmakers’ overwhelming pick, the top-ranked Leafs fluttered and fell to Ashley’s Aventinus 2-4 in Sunday’s D2 Round Robin play, putting Aventinus in the driver’s seat moving forward. ” [It] felt good to finally defeat the Leafs…
Brock: Hopslam Hunger Strike
ANN ARBOR– Citing issues of racism and the need to “drop a few pounds before the holidays,” Hopslam forward Bob Brock announced that he has vowed not to eat until newly-hired GM Tim Wolfe resigned.”I’m hungry,” said Brock, presumably hungry…
Dr. Seuss Urges Aventinus in Vain
ANN ARBOR– Beloved children’s author Dr. Seuss urged Aventinus on Wednesday night in its match-up with the Yaks D2 team, but could only inspire them to a 0-0 tie. “The buzzer creeps, the buzzer beeps, but just before, will you…
Millennial Reports Ruination Loss, Fails to Minimize Use of Word “So”
ANN ARBOR– Newly-hired Millennial reporter Dylan Hunter Berkeley-Townsend (or D.H., born 1992) provided a vague, disjointed summary of Ruination’s 3-4 loss to the WT Killer Bees C team Tuesday night. “Oh man! You should have seen it!” reported Berkeley-Townsend. Berkeley-Townsend…