ANN ARBOR– Hopslam fought off exhaustion, overcoming the feeling of being “pooped out,” in their 3-1 win over the Cleveland Steamers. “We’ve had to take a lot of (bleep) from the fans and the media,” said GM Mark Woods. “But, with this…
Author: ashleyadmin
Shoulder-Gate Rocks Rink
ANN ARBOR– Oberon lost 2-7 to Ice-o-topes C Tuesday night, but not without a controversy surrounding it when Tope Jeff “Shrug-it-in” Menk scored a goal by redirecting a shot with his shoulder for the Ice-o-topes’ second goal. “A player can…
Bears Slowly Lulled into B-League
ANN ARBOR– The Black Bears topped Ashley’s Ruination 3-1 Monday night, pushing their B-League record to 4-1 in what appears to be a carefully laid trap set by league director Abe Colwell. “Yes, yes, it’s all coming together nicely,” he…
Patriots Now Charged with Deflating Seahawk Fans
SEATTLE– As if the Deflate-Gate coverage wasn’t already enough, allegations that the New England Patriots “deflated” fans throughout the Pacific Northwest Sunday have surfaced. Dubbed “Deflate-Gate II: Electric Boogaloo,” NFL officials have been forced to open a new investigation. “I’m…
Spontaneous Third Nipple “Tender”
ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Mark Woods took a shot from Goaldigger Rob Yallop Wednesday, hitting him in the chest, essentially tattooing what appeared to be a superfluous third nipple in Aventinus’s 2-3 loss. “It hurts,” admitted Woods following the game. Referred…
“Lottery Win Sure Would Help”
REDFORD– Desperate to keep the dozens of fans infotained,sports writer Mark Woods admitted Friday that winning the lottery “sure would help” to give him the free time needed to write articles for the sports teams in the local area, including…
If a Puck Drops, Woods, Bears… Would You Read It?
RUINATION– The B-League is under investigation in what some are calling a “point-shaving” scandal after a knee injury side-lined Yaks goaltender Matthew Weiler. The game took a strange turn, however, when back-up goaltender “Yakkity Yak” Don Talc-Bach, seemingly refused to…