ANN ARBOR– Sports writer “Billie” Wontbee-Puttinout allegedly told editors “not tonight” in regard to reporting Ruination’s 7-3 win over Goon Squad Tuesday night due to mild head trauma. “I have a headache,” Wontbee-Puttinout stated, rubbing her temples. Negotiations turned from disbelief to…
Category: Ruination
Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team
Docs at 4077 Up to Usual Hockey Hi-jinks
UI-JEONG BU– Ricky “Hawkeye” Winowiecki and Anthony “Honeycut” Ciatti, surgeons and hockey players for Ruination at the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (M.A.S.H.) 4077 were up to their “usual hi-jinks” following 18 hours of “meatball surgery” and a 7-5 comeback win…
Winning Weekend
HOPSLAM– Scott Coates gloated as Hopslam raced past Gates 7-2 Saturday night, scoring 3 goals and an assist, including a short-handed goal. Coates made a “painting” motion with each goal, claiming to “add another Coates.” He later claimed that hand…
Last Second Goal Covers Spread!
ANN ARBOR– In an act of pure heroism mixed with the unbridled spirit of high-stakes sports gambling, forward John Vella absorbed the brunt of a vicious goalie tackle to slam home a last second goal to give Ashley’s Ruination the…
Sports Round-Up
RUINATION– Rusty Barron notched his first shutout of the season in an 8-0 win over Depot Town Stags, in accordance with the prophecy. “It has been foretold,” say the spooky guy in the shadows wearing a velvet robe and speaking…
Ruination Strikes Back
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 8-3 win over the Black Bears Saturday night, GM Mark Woods was asked to explain how the team manages to find success amid the chaos. With characteristic humility, Woods was quick to point out that “you…
Ruination New Class a Hit
ANN ARBOR– Reviving an old show with a new cast of characters is always a gamble, as evidenced by the ratings plunge when the Dukes of Hazzard featured Coy and Vance as cousins of Bo and Luke Duke. However, producers…