Category: Ruination

Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team

Ruination’s ‘Bring a Friend’ Policy Backfires

ANN ARBOR– The Millennial Generation proved overwhelming in Ruination’s disastrous decision to invite friends to come play in Tuesday night’s game against the Yaks C. “Once you factor in the so-called friends from Facebook, professional connections on LinkedIn, and any…

Aventinus Scraps Ad Campaign

SUNDAY– Aventinus officials following the team’s 6-0 win Sunday night over the Killer Bees stated the franchise would forego its forthcoming ad campaign proclaiming declaring “There must be somethin’ in the water!” The phrase allegedly caught on as a social…

Championship Cup Placed on Display for All to Behold

ANN ARBOR– Following its long and winding journey, the Lord Cowell’s Cup (affectionately known as the Ann Abe-or Trophy) returned to its place in Ashley’s Ruination’s hallowed halls after a thrilling 5-4 win in the C-League Championships. “It’s been a full…

Ruination Exposed for Creating Fake Roster!

ANN ARBOR– Fraud charges may be levied against Ashley’s Ruination after officials determined that several players “do not, in fact, actually exist,” said sources following the team’s 3-5 loss Saturday in the C-league championship series. “I’m just as shocked as…

Carson Threatens to Leave Ruination Party

ANN ARBOR– Following it’s 10-2 win over Mott C Men Tuesday night, Republican candidate and forward Ben Carson threatened to leave Ruination. Citing that the scoring was “gratuitous,” the Detroit native and famed retired neurosurgeon criticized teammates, accusing them of…