Category: Hopslam

Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team

What a Deal – Lopez Found!

LOS ANGELES– Forward Shawn Lopez, former Ashley’s Ruination star who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, has allegedly resurfaced eighteen months after a nationwide search was called off. Though officials have not entirely confirmed his identity, fans have been buzzing. “It’s him!…

Hopslam Offense Finally Unchained

RIVERSIDE– After feeling like they’ve been “shackled for years,” Hopslam finally escaped with the help of a healthy dose of offense, beating the Ice Men 5-2 Saturday night and earning their first win since beating Black Ops 9-0 in the…

Alien Hockey Invaders Exposed!

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hockey Franchise came under scrutiny Friday when a picture circa 1947 began circulating clearly depicting two contemporary Ashley’s players. “You can clearly see that (Ricky) Winowiecki and (Kenny) Schmidt are in their mid to late twenties in…

Mundane Ghosts of Past Relived

OSCODA– Defenseman Mark Woods reflected on his journey to Beer League greatness Saturday before Hopslam’s 3-3 tie with Sasquatch with a visit to his adopted home town of Oscoda, MI, Saturday. “Lot of memories in this place,” he said bemused.…

Former Ashley’s Player Released Back into Wild

BOZEMAN– Montana is the site of many wonders of nature, including Yellowstone and Glacier National Park. However, a new natural wonder can be included with the release of Zebediah Bruckman back into the wild. “He’s in his natural habitat,” said…

Sutton Given Highest Honor

ANN ARBOR– Not since the Wizard of Oz himself handed a heart to the Tin Man has a higher honor been bestowed than early Monday morning as Hopslam finished their on-ice drills following its Saturday night win over the Cleveland…

Ashley’s Weekend Preview

Ashley’s Hockey has a full compliment of games this weekend. Among the more exciting storylines to follow will include: Hopslam— The Hopslammers take on the Cleveland Steamers while asking: “What kind of crap is this?” Ruination— The Ghost of Hockey…