NARNIA– Hopslam’s 5-1 victory over Sasquatch Saturday marked the end of The Long Winter that had lasted for the past 100 years, roughly marked by the reign of Jadis, also known as the White Witch, in Narnia and much of…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
Hopslam Advises Against Marriage
ANN ARBOR– After the initial shock and shame of the 1-5 loss to the Icemen set in, Hopslam teammates rebounded nicely with cold beer and cold hard facts on matrimony. “It’s a contract. They take you in the back and…
Witt, Brock Join Writers’ Staff
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hockey News Network increased its staff by 200 per cent and several hundreds of pounds (I’ll never tell) when Gary Witt and Bob Brock joined the writing staff Saturday night following Hopslam’s 5-4 win over the Yaks.…
Hopslam to Move to Roller Rink
ANN ARBOR– Inspired by the rental skates worn by winger Shawn Lopez Tuesday night, Hopslam officials announced plans to move the team to a roller rink for the Spring 2014 campaign. “I think the players and the fans will love…
D1 Unravels as Entire League Kicked Out
ANN ARBOR– Controversy ensued late Saturday night following Hopslam’s 5-3 win over the Ice Dogs when league managers, owners, and directors argued over player eligibility. “Number #20 (Michael Vaught) clearly doesn’t belong in this league,” said sports analyst Eric Pfeiffer.…
Kotimko ‘Book of Slights’ Found
DEARBORN– Controversy ensued following Hopslam’s 7-3 win over the heretofore unbeaten Yaks Tuesday night when defenseman Keith Kotimko’s “Black Book of Slights” was discovered near his home in Dearborn. “We’re trying to keep positive,” said GM Mark Woods, “But a…
Subaru Forrester Front Runner; Hopslam Wins
TOLEDO– While Hopslam battled the Ice Men to a 4-1 victory, a far tougher battle took place Saturday evening just across the border. “I’m not sure which one is best,” said a concerned Ginny Klinesteker. Klinesteker was referring to the…