ANN ARBOR– Hopslam fought off exhaustion, overcoming the feeling of being “pooped out,” in their 3-1 win over the Cleveland Steamers. “We’ve had to take a lot of (bleep) from the fans and the media,” said GM Mark Woods. “But, with this…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
“Lottery Win Sure Would Help”
REDFORD– Desperate to keep the dozens of fans infotained,sports writer Mark Woods admitted Friday that winning the lottery “sure would help” to give him the free time needed to write articles for the sports teams in the local area, including…
If a Puck Drops, Woods, Bears… Would You Read It?
RUINATION– The B-League is under investigation in what some are calling a “point-shaving” scandal after a knee injury side-lined Yaks goaltender Matthew Weiler. The game took a strange turn, however, when back-up goaltender “Yakkity Yak” Don Talc-Bach, seemingly refused to…
Hockey Pucks Deflated Before Game, Re-Vulcanized
RUINATION– Forward Mark Woods played well enough in his return to the B-League, with five good-quality shots on goal, solid back checking, and an overall positive attitude despite the 1-2 loss to Trend Millwork Monday night. Dubbed the “worst winger…
Games Pile Up
RUINATION– Ruination lost 3-8 Thursday night, prompting defenseman Sean Payeur to lead the entire team in yogic breathing exercises to help the team “find their center.” GM Mark Woods praised Payeur, calling him “the voice of calm in the hockey din.”…
Strain Too Much for Hopslam Player Turned Rap Artist
ANN ARBOR– Amid their second loss in as many games, defending champions Hopslam fell to the Yaks 1-4 Tuesday night, proving too much for defenseman Chris Sutton. “Needless to say, I won’t be there for the game,” he said, referring…
Brock O’Bobma Enjoys ‘Lame Puck’ Status
ANN ARBOR– Residing as president of the Hopslam “United We Stumble” Beer Drinkers club, Brock O’Bobma (Bobby Booey to close friends) stated relief over the election results following Hopslam’s 2-6 loss to open the Winter 2015 season. “We are pleased…