ANN ARBOR– Despite the 5-1 win, Aventinus skaters admitted to being “a bit creeped out” by what appeared to be an alternate-universe Gary Witt skating for the Yaks 2 team Sunday night. “He looked eerily like Gary,” said GM Mark…
Category: Aventinus
Updates specific to Ashley’s Aventinus team
Aventinus’ New Strategy: Score Goals, Win
ANN ARBOR– Jeff Price suffered a “lower body injury” Wednesday as Hopslam battled the Ice-o-Topes 2, with Aventinus down by a goal. Initial reports suggested an ankle or knee sprain, while other reports mentioned a possible yeast infection. However, doctors confirmed…
Goal Diggers Blasted: “Culturally Insensitive”
ANN ARBOR– Media attention focused on the Goal Diggers Sunday following their 3-2 win over Ashey’s Aventinus as their name continues to draw outrage from minority hockey groups across the Great Lakes states and much of Canada. “It’s like a…
Witt Drinks, Shoots, Leafs
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Aventinus made one of its better showings, but fell to the Leafs 3-6 Wednesday night, disproving the growing belief that winger Gary Witt’s presence correlates with winning.”There goes that theory!” a teammate said over the din of…
Witt-less in Loss
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Aventinus continues to be a tale of two teams, losing another close game Sunday night, this time to Mott FK 1-2. Defenseman Jeff Price scored the team’s lone goal in the second period, tying the game. However,…
Defenseman Voted Off
ANN ARBOR– In a stunning turn of events Wednesday, the Red Team council (dubbed Ashley’s Aventinus) voted member and defenseman Mark Woods off the island in CBS’s latest installment of Survivor: Iceland. “You miss one game, and you’re out,” lamented…
Redford Home Slated Last to Receive Power, Apparently
REDFORD– Following the 2-3 loss Sunday night to North Coast, defenseman Mark Woods discovered that 424,999 of the 425,000 homes have had power restored following the strong storm that surged through Southeastern Michigan Friday evening. His home, it would seem,…