ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Mark Woods was reportedly chastised Wednesday night in Aventinus’s 5-1 win over the Goal Diggers for “feathering” the puck. “He yelled at me for not passing it hard enough,” said Woods. In the second period, Woods (goal)…
Month: May 2014
Sports Writer Refuses to Put Out Sports Report
ANN ARBOR– Sports writer “Billie” Wontbee-Puttinout allegedly told editors “not tonight” in regard to reporting Ruination’s 7-3 win over Goon Squad Tuesday night due to mild head trauma. “I have a headache,” Wontbee-Puttinout stated, rubbing her temples. Negotiations turned from disbelief to…
Older Generation Shrugs Off Hackers, Technology
ANN ARBOR– Suffering the good-natured ribbing from his younger compatriots, Mark Johnston quietly notched Aventinus’s lone goal, ensuring the 1-1 tie versus the Yaks 2 Wednesday night, despite the alleged hacking earlier. “I thought I saw Ron (Coleman) getting cross-checked in…
Docs at 4077 Up to Usual Hockey Hi-jinks
UI-JEONG BU– Ricky “Hawkeye” Winowiecki and Anthony “Honeycut” Ciatti, surgeons and hockey players for Ruination at the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (M.A.S.H.) 4077 were up to their “usual hi-jinks” following 18 hours of “meatball surgery” and a 7-5 comeback win…
Detective Thriller Leads to Tie
MEAN STREETS– Hard-boiled private detective Mark Woods immediately recognized something was amiss as Ashley’s Hopslam faced a turbo-charged Cubs AC. “Something ain’t right, see,” growled Woods. A note with the letterhead of the Ann Arbor Ice Cube was carefully slid under…
Winning Weekend
HOPSLAM– Scott Coates gloated as Hopslam raced past Gates 7-2 Saturday night, scoring 3 goals and an assist, including a short-handed goal. Coates made a “painting” motion with each goal, claiming to “add another Coates.” He later claimed that hand…
Head, Butt Puts Coleman on Ice
ANN ARBOR– The highlight (or low light) of the 1-5 Aventinus loss to Ice-o-Topes 2 early Thursday morning was the collision between forward Ken Coleman and referee Luke Hattie. “I don’t know what happened,” said Coleman. Early in the first period,…