RUINATION– The B-League is under investigation in what some are calling a “point-shaving” scandal after a knee injury side-lined Yaks goaltender Matthew Weiler. The game took a strange turn, however, when back-up goaltender “Yakkity Yak” Don Talc-Bach, seemingly refused to…
Month: January 2015
Hockey Pucks Deflated Before Game, Re-Vulcanized
RUINATION– Forward Mark Woods played well enough in his return to the B-League, with five good-quality shots on goal, solid back checking, and an overall positive attitude despite the 1-2 loss to Trend Millwork Monday night. Dubbed the “worst winger…
Games Pile Up
RUINATION– Ruination lost 3-8 Thursday night, prompting defenseman Sean Payeur to lead the entire team in yogic breathing exercises to help the team “find their center.” GM Mark Woods praised Payeur, calling him “the voice of calm in the hockey din.”…
Strain Too Much for Hopslam Player Turned Rap Artist
ANN ARBOR– Amid their second loss in as many games, defending champions Hopslam fell to the Yaks 1-4 Tuesday night, proving too much for defenseman Chris Sutton. “Needless to say, I won’t be there for the game,” he said, referring…
Four Teams Prove Challenging for Sports Writer
RUINATION– Ashley’s Ruination lost its first game since October 25, falling 5-6 to Bull Schlitz, prompting goalie Jeff Phillion to immediately begin binge drinking Schlitz Malt Liquor for the course of the night. Sources say that Phillion added pizza, chips, and…
Report: Loss Makes Weather Feel 10% Colder
ANN ARBOR– Researchers from the National Institute for Climate Assessment have found that losing hockey games changes one’s perception of the weather. “Brrrrr…” said a despondent Mark Woods following the 0-2 Aventinus loss Wednesday night. “Feels like it’s 5 degrees…
Brock O’Bobma Enjoys ‘Lame Puck’ Status
ANN ARBOR– Residing as president of the Hopslam “United We Stumble” Beer Drinkers club, Brock O’Bobma (Bobby Booey to close friends) stated relief over the election results following Hopslam’s 2-6 loss to open the Winter 2015 season. “We are pleased…