GULFPORT– Cyrus Gold, once more popularly known as Solomon Grundy (purportedly born on a Monday), lamented recently the noticeable lack of star power over the years. “Solomon Grundy used to be somebody,” Grundy stated with his noted Southern accent. “Now,…
Author: ashleyadmin
Corporate Sponsors Take Over League
ANN ARBOR– The Ann Arbor Hockey League may have been the last bastion of unsullied hockey, free of corporate sponsorship and the inevitable branding and shameless product placement… at least it was. “Folks, I’m pleased as Tropicana Fruit Punch to…
Goalie Gets Great Night’s Rest
BELLEVUE– Goaltender Jeff Phillion reportedly got “eight solid [hours]” of sleep Thursday night, interrupted only by a text from teammate Matt Okray at 945pm asking if he was playing in Hopslam’s 7-1 win over Gates at Yost Ice Arena. “What…
Travel Ban Lifted for Defensemen
ANN ARBOR– Following the five-judge panel decision to lift the travel ban for defenseman in the offensive zone, Aventinus player Al Juback took full advantage Wednesday in the team’s 2-6 loss to Yeti. “He was quite the traveling wilbury,” said…
Riley Making Good on Guarantee
ANN ARBOR– Hopslam continued its winning streak Tuesday in its 5-2 win over the Yaks, adding legitmacy to defenseman Alex Riley’s surprising guarantee of a championship this season. “I am personally guaranteeing a championship this season,” Riley boldly stated upon returning…
Ruination GM Stumped: Drop-In Style Not Working
ANN ARBOR– GM Mark Woods stated Wednesday from his palatial estate in San Bernardino, CA that he was “quite confused” as to the recent 2-game slide for Ruination following their 6-9 loss to Mott C. “I got guys floating in…
Playing Hockey Slips in Polls
ANN ARBOR– A recent Pew Research Center poll showed “playing hockey” dropped slightly in the rankings Sunday following Hopslam’s Saturday night forfeiture to Sasquatch. “Playing hockey ain’t what she used to be,” sang several older men with hockey jerseys stained…