Author: ashleyadmin

Hopslam Offense Finally Unchained

RIVERSIDE– After feeling like they’ve been “shackled for years,” Hopslam finally escaped with the help of a healthy dose of offense, beating the Ice Men 5-2 Saturday night and earning their first win since beating Black Ops 9-0 in the…

Better Late Than Ever

ANN ARBOR– Ever for the flair for the dramatic, Ruination waited until literally the last second in order to extend their unbeaten streak to 18 games stretching back to November 4 of last year, and their fifth straight win over…

Gryfintinus Docked Points by Evil Professor Snabe

HOGWARTS–Nerds everywhere expressed outrage Monday following the announcement that Gryfintinus House would forfeit their hard earned two points in their 6-4 win over Yeticlaw Sunday night. Professor Snabe, filling in as the interim headmaster of Hogwarts while “stuff gets worked…

Alien Hockey Invaders Exposed!

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hockey Franchise came under scrutiny Friday when a picture circa 1947 began circulating clearly depicting two contemporary Ashley’s players. “You can clearly see that (Ricky) Winowiecki and (Kenny) Schmidt are in their mid to late twenties in…

Team Takes a Knee, Protesting Fatigue

ANN ARBOR– Several players were spotted “taking a knee” throughout Ruination’s 6-3 win Monday night against Black Ops as part of a protest against fatigue, sources report. “I’m protesting the lactic acids building up in my muscles by taking a…