Author: ashleyadmin

Wild Bill McDermott Avenged

BANGTOWN– Following a 5-3 shootout at the Ice Cube Corral Saturday night with the Liebherr gang, friends and kin of William “Wild Bill” McDermott claimed to have “avenged” the loss of their comrade in arms. Known informally as the Sutton…

Price, Performance Right for Winowiecki

HOLLYWOOD– Goaltender Ricky Winowiecki celebrated his 11-1 win over the Black Bears Saturday night and Ruination’s 8-0 topping of Black Ops and its 17-6-1 regular season record by visiting California, part of the Ashley’s Goodwill Tour, appearing on The Price…

Super Villain Laments Falling Out of Spotlight

GULFPORT– Cyrus Gold, once more popularly known as Solomon Grundy (purportedly born on a Monday), lamented recently the noticeable lack of star power over the years. “Solomon Grundy used to be somebody,” Grundy stated with his noted Southern accent. “Now,…

Corporate Sponsors Take Over League

ANN ARBOR– The Ann Arbor Hockey League may have been the last bastion of unsullied hockey, free of corporate sponsorship and the inevitable branding and shameless product placement… at least it was. “Folks, I’m pleased as Tropicana Fruit Punch to…

Goalie Gets Great Night’s Rest

BELLEVUE– Goaltender Jeff Phillion reportedly got “eight solid [hours]” of sleep Thursday night, interrupted only by a text from teammate Matt Okray at 945pm asking if he was playing in Hopslam’s 7-1 win over Gates at Yost Ice Arena. “What…

Travel Ban Lifted for Defensemen

ANN ARBOR– Following the five-judge panel decision to lift the travel ban for defenseman in the offensive zone, Aventinus player Al Juback took full advantage Wednesday in the team’s 2-6 loss to Yeti. “He was quite the traveling wilbury,” said…

Riley Making Good on Guarantee

ANN ARBOR– Hopslam continued its winning streak Tuesday in its 5-2 win over the Yaks,¬†adding legitmacy to defenseman Alex Riley’s surprising guarantee of a championship this season. “I am personally guaranteeing a championship this season,” Riley boldly stated upon returning…