ANN ARBOR– In a game described as “crappy,” Ashley’s Hopslam was dumped on by the Cleveland Steamers 0-4 Tuesday night, giving the team it’s first losing season in recent memory. Shawn Lopez was solid in goal, but could not hold…
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Weekend at Ashley’s
RUINATION– Contemporary pop band Five For Fighting (including lead singer Matt Schaefer, David Branch on guitar, John Vella on drums, Al Johnson on bass, and Dave Winn on bongos) faced down Thompson’s Pizza, falling 0-9 Saturday, leaving the group to…
Aventinus Scores Million Billion Goals, Assists
ANN ARBOR– Despite losing 2-5 to Goon Squad 2, Aventinus allegedly scored “like a bazillion goals” in what has been billed as a “souped up” game. Goaltender Chris Sutton “had a hat trick” according to sources. “This is especially noteworthy…
Brock Renounces All You Can Eat Restaurants
RALEIGH– Golden Corral CEO Ted M. Fowler, Jr., speaking from his corporate office in North Carolina, expressed concern Tuesday night following Hopslam’s 1-1 tie with the Ice Men, when rumor spread that Bob Brock announced that he would no longer frequent…
Phantom Assists Spark Controversy
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Ruination absolutely dominated Mott Tuesday night in an 11-5 win, but not without controversy. “Can I see the scoresheet?” asked Mott’s Anthony Schirripa. What he saw put a derisive smile on his face. Initially thought to be…
Ashley’s Weekend Round-Up
HOPSLAM– Bob Brock scored his first goal of the season in a 6-0 win over St. Anky Beer Saturday night, noting that goaltender Brittany Zeches was stellar in her shoutout of the team, and that he is currently paying about…
“Johnston Yelled at Me”
ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Mark Woods was reportedly chastised Wednesday night in Aventinus’s 5-1 win over the Goal Diggers for “feathering” the puck. “He yelled at me for not passing it hard enough,” said Woods. In the second period, Woods (goal)…