WASHINGTON– Ashley’s officials announced late Wednesday following Aventinus’s third tie in four games that embattled Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius has been hired in as the new team manager, working for the last several weeks while moonlighting on…
Author: ashleyadmin
Cubs Bear-ly Skate, Hopslam Beer-ly Skates
ANN ARBOR– Hopslam dominated an aging Cubs AC team late Tuesday night to claw its way above .500 with a 7-1 win. Scott Coates and Ricky Winowiecki each had two goals, while Chris Sutton added a goal and four assists…
‘Houston, We Have a Problem:’ Oilers Blanked
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Ruination moved to 11-2 Tuesday night after sliding past the Oilers 10-0, earning goaltender Rusty Barron’s second shutout of the season. “I think we tried very hard not to be overconfident,” said astronaut Neil Armstrong, mission commander…
Good Bad Ugly Tie with Leafs
ANDALUCIA– Tom “Blondie” Colis, sometimes known as the Man with No Name Other Than Tom, was quick on the draw, good for the assist, and kept the Leafs in line with his soft-spoken brand of cowboy justice as Aventinus came back…
Bell’s Heir Refuses to Celebrate with Hopslam
ANN ARBOR– For reasons unknown, forward Luke Bell refused to join the Hopslam team for beers at Ashley’s following their 5-3 victory over rival Yaks Saturday night. “I’m already going to be there with a friend,” explained Bell. However, team…
Woods-Barron Tango Up for Score
ANN ARBOR– Dancing with the Star Beer League Edition featured a tango with defenseman Mark Woods and goalie Rusty Barron Saturday night, though the judges were unimpressed, with the Ruination judge giving them 3 while the Mott judge delivered a…
Aventinus Loss Blamed on Korean Car Manufacturer
SOUTHFIELD– Ashley’s Aventinus had its 10-game unbeaten streak end Wednesday night, losing 1-2 to the Ice-o-topes, and leaving the team looking for answers. Defenseman Ron Coleman suggested that the opposing team has “beefed up their line-up,” while others have blamed…