ANN ARBOR– Ruination defeated Side Biscuits Spicy Boys 6-2 Tuesday night to move to 2-0 in the Summer season, despite having only 8 skaters. “Yeah, we really kicked ’em in the biscuits,” said Glenn Beach. “The side biscuits.” Younger teammates…
Category: General
General news pertaining to the players, teams, the league, or even hockey in general
Hopslam Wins in Varsity “Sauna” Amid Fears of Climate Change
Hopslam started its summer season with 6-5 win over Bearshark! despite sweltering conditions Sunday night. “It must have been 50… 52 degrees in there!” noted Kenny Schmidt. While temperatures were not officially recorded, several players noted the “humidity” in the…
Ruination Summer TV Series Features Guest Appearances from Original Cast
Ashley’s Entertainment Network (AEN) announced that “Ruination: The Series” would feature an all-new cast, but with some familiar faces to “ease the transition.” Andrew Thompson, who now stars in “Widowmaker,” a comedy featuring a lovable cast of “over the hill”…
Tensions Rise in Front Office Over Ruination’s Unbeaten Status
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 7-1 Saturday win over then-undefeated Yaks C, controversy broke put in the front office during the press conference when Ruination’s status as either undefeated or unbeaten came to the fore. “We’re undefeated!” exulted COO Chris Sutton.…
Note From Piper: “Time to Pay Me!”
LAKEPORT– Piper the dog, affectionately known as “Grammy’s dog, Piper” or “that damn dog,” sent a note to all three Ashley’s teams late Thursday regarding payment for the Winter season: “Woof woof woof woof, yip woof arf woof rrrrr woof-woof…
Ruination Celebrates Spicy Win by Rewriting Lyrics to 80s Songs to Include Missing Teammate
ANN ARBOR– Following their 6-2 win over Side Biscuit Spicy Boys, teammates celebrated by altering the titles or lyrics of 80s hit songs to include teammate Chris Sutton, who was reportedly “lying drunk on some beach in Mexico,” according to…
Ruination Wins Despite Being Down 3 Chris’s to Start Game
ANN ARBOR– Ruination started its season strong with a 6-3 win over Kraken Beers late Tuesday night despite being down 3 Chris’s at the start of the game. Armed with only Chris Sutton and Chris Radomile, the team added sure…