HOPSLAM– Police officer, gentleman, and Hopslam goaltender Ryan Bidwell reportedly stepped down as chief of security for the Ann Arbor Ice Cube when it was revealed that director Abe Colwell had shared the elevator with a man who is known to…
Category: Ruination
Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team
Maxi-Mouth Pad Fails to Contain Bleeding
ANN ARBOR– Product testing took place for the new Stay-Free Maxi-Mouth Pad Saturday as Ashley’s Ruination overcame a 0-2 deficit to defeat the Black Bears 5-3 in a contentious battle. Black Bears player William O’Brien volunteered to try the new…
Pizza, Whine, Spear It
ANN ARBOR–A tense battle between Ashley’s Ruination and Thompson’s Pizza Tuesday night resulted in a 4-1 win for Ruination, complaints over heretofore unknown referee Fred Molnar, and a spearing incident resulting a match penalty for Thompson’s Erik Longen, a last…
Ben Johnson Edges Carl Lewis to Join Ruination
ANN ARBOR– According to the stat sheet, it seems former Canadian Olympic sprinter Ben Johnson has joined Ashley’s Ruination, edging out Carl Lewis’ bid to bring Olympic gold to the perennial C-league champions. Johnson, who was part of an illegal…
Ruination Indicted for Beating
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Ruination turned itself in early Sunday after charges of beating Black Ops with sticks (sometimes known as “twigs” or “switches” depending from which part of the country one hails) Saturday night. According to the team’s doctor, Black…
Ruination’s Seventeen Scene
REDFORD–Ashley’s Ruination kicked off the fall fashion season with a saucy 7-1 win over Mott Tuesday night. Jon Roklen returned with style, scoring the first goal and accessorizing it with a third period assist. “It’s good to be back,” admitted…
Stat Padding: Road to Ruination
ANN ARBOR– Matt Schaefer, Sean McGrath, Nate Greenman, and John Vella made their case to return to C-league’s Ruination team as Ashley’s Hopslam dominated the Leafs Wednesday evening in an 11-1 win. Schaefer lead all scorers with 2 goals and…