Category: Ruination

Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team

New Hockey Bags Introduced

ANN ARBOR– Samsonite has entered the sporting apparel arena, introducing its new line of hockey bags Saturday. “We’re currently test marketing them in Michigan with some tremendous results,” beamed Samuel Samsonson III, President and CEO of Samsonite. The new line…

Defensive Pair Avoid Mistakes, Statistics

ANN ARBOR– Defensive pair Steve Gorham and Mark Woods once again managed to minimize their errors on the ice and completely avoid penalty minutes, goals, and assists as Ruination started its Spring season with a 6-3 win over Depot Town…

Ashley’s Clothing Store Offers Ties

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Clothing Store announced early Thursday that it now offers a new clothing option– ties! “We’re happy to announce that we have all the ties you need,” said haberdasher Mark Woods. The 5-5 collection features ties from Ruination…

Product Placement Added in Ruination Interview

ANN ARBOR–Defenseman Mark Woods expressed relief and joy after Ruination’s 3-2 win Saturday night. “It’s a good team win,” said Woods. Media speculation of this being Woods’s “last rodeo” has been largely fueled by questions of his age, decreased goal…

Ruination’s ‘Bring a Friend’ Policy Backfires

ANN ARBOR– The Millennial Generation proved overwhelming in Ruination’s disastrous decision to invite friends to come play in Tuesday night’s game against the Yaks C. “Once you factor in the so-called friends from Facebook, professional connections on LinkedIn, and any…

Aventinus Scraps Ad Campaign

SUNDAY– Aventinus officials following the team’s 6-0 win Sunday night over the Killer Bees stated the franchise would forego its forthcoming ad campaign proclaiming declaring “There must be somethin’ in the water!” The phrase allegedly caught on as a social…

Championship Cup Placed on Display for All to Behold

ANN ARBOR– Following its long and winding journey, the Lord Cowell’s┬áCup (affectionately known as the Ann Abe-or Trophy) returned to its place in Ashley’s Ruination’s hallowed halls after a thrilling 5-4 win in the C-League Championships. “It’s been a full…