Category: Ruination

Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team

International Recruiting Efforts Paying Off

THE HAGUE– Following Ruination’s 6-2 win over the Ypsi Aces Tuesday night, GM Mark Woods, speaking from his office in the The Netherlands, expressed satisfaction with the franchise’s recent “international efforts” to recruit hidden talent. “We were very encouraged when…

Participation Trophy Anticipated

RUINATION– Ruination fell to Black Ops 8-9 Saturday evening, stretching their championship slump to five seasons. “I only have myself to blame,” said GM Mark Woods. “Mostly because hardly anyone ever showed up this season.” Explained¬†Woods: “Apparently, things like spending…

Price, Performance Right for Winowiecki

HOLLYWOOD– Goaltender Ricky Winowiecki celebrated his 11-1 win over the Black Bears Saturday night and Ruination’s 8-0 topping of Black Ops and its 17-6-1 regular season record by visiting California, part of the Ashley’s Goodwill Tour, appearing on The Price…

Super Villain Laments Falling Out of Spotlight

GULFPORT– Cyrus Gold, once more popularly known as Solomon Grundy (purportedly born on a Monday), lamented recently the noticeable lack of star power over the years. “Solomon Grundy used to be somebody,” Grundy stated with his noted Southern accent. “Now,…

Corporate Sponsors Take Over League

ANN ARBOR– The Ann Arbor Hockey League may have been the last bastion of unsullied hockey, free of corporate sponsorship and the inevitable branding and shameless product placement… at least it was. “Folks, I’m pleased as Tropicana Fruit Punch to…

Fifth and Sixth Seal of Apocalypse Opened

ANN ARBOR– Biblical eschatologists concluded that the “fifth and sixth seal” have been opened, inching mankind ever closer to the Apocalypse written in the Book of Revelation, sources reported Thursday following Hopslam’s 7-3 win over Ruination and the recent presidential…