ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination made good in its rematch with Hopslam in a fight that went down to the wire, lifting itself up to a 5-1 victory over a somewhat over-confident reigning champion. “Last time, Ruination went distance, but just couldn’t…
Category: Ruination
Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team
Stunning Ruination Loss All Fans Can Think About
ANN ARBOR– Fans have been talking of little else following the unlikely 3-7 Ruination loss at the hands of Mott C Men Saturday night. “I just can’t believe it!” exclaimed a fan in shock. “This is huge!” Mott C fans…
Ashley’s Writer Clearly Lazy – Weekend in Review
Hopslam Steamed, Wish to Wipe Clean Memory HOPSLAM– Ashley’s Hopslam struggled and strained with only nine skaters Saturday night, dropping one to the Cleveland Steamers 0-2. “They really crapped all over us,” noted Browning Chestwipe, Hopslam’s interim coach. “Butt, I…
Scientific Paper Seeks “Schedule of God”
ANN ARBOR– The University of Michigan made headlines over the weekend when theoretical physicist David Winn reported new findings regarding the origin of a scheduling phenomenon known in scientific circles as “time zero,” or in lay men’s terms “getting hosed…
Jazzerskate Boost Body, Drains Heart
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 1-10 loss Monday night, defenseman Mark Woods revealed that while his body esteem was boosted from the exercise known has Jazzer-skate, his self-esteem took quite a hit from the loss. “I feel like my self-worth was…
Winowiecki Announces Presidential Aspirations
ANN ARBOR– In the wake of Ruination’s 1-4 loss Monday evening, business mogul and staunch Republican Ricky Winowiecki announced his bid for the GOP ticket in 2016, running on the campaign of intolerance. “I’m intolerant of intolerant people,” Winowiecki was…
Ruination’s Nationwide Coverage pUnsuccessful
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Ruination plan to compete with Verizon, AT&T, and other wireless providers for nationwide coverage proved unsuccessful, resulting in a 1-4 loss to Topes C Tuesday night. “I honestly thought that if we put Kyle (Polack) in Las…