RUINATION– The B-League is under investigation in what some are calling a “point-shaving” scandal after a knee injury side-lined Yaks goaltender Matthew Weiler. The game took a strange turn, however, when back-up goaltender “Yakkity Yak” Don Talc-Bach, seemingly refused to…
Category: Ruination
Updates specific to Ashley’s Ruination team
Hockey Pucks Deflated Before Game, Re-Vulcanized
RUINATION– Forward Mark Woods played well enough in his return to the B-League, with five good-quality shots on goal, solid back checking, and an overall positive attitude despite the 1-2 loss to Trend Millwork Monday night. Dubbed the “worst winger…
Games Pile Up
RUINATION– Ruination lost 3-8 Thursday night, prompting defenseman Sean Payeur to lead the entire team in yogic breathing exercises to help the team “find their center.” GM Mark Woods praised Payeur, calling him “the voice of calm in the hockey din.”…
Four Teams Prove Challenging for Sports Writer
RUINATION– Ashley’s Ruination lost its first game since October 25, falling 5-6 to Bull Schlitz, prompting goalie Jeff Phillion to immediately begin binge drinking Schlitz Malt Liquor for the course of the night. Sources say that Phillion added pizza, chips, and…
‘Magic Puck’ Theory Explains Goal
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 5-3 win over the Yaks B Monday night, experts and witnesses were at a loss to explain the mysterious fifth goal allegedly scored by forward Mark Woods. “That went in?” he asked opposing players after the…
Quantum Conundrum in Ruination Win
RUINATION– Amid the celebration of Ruination’s 4-2 win and seventh championship, something of a quantum controversy has scientists and New Age believers excited. “As you can see,” said herbalist Zohar Nabzakian, “the Sutton is in two places at the same…
“I Played the Game of My Life!”
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 6-4 win over the Black Bears Saturday, defenseman Mark Woods proudly proclaimed the game as one of the “finest games [he’s] ever played.” “Not a single forward on the Bears got past me, I didn’t commit…