DETROIT– A championship that nearly wasn’t… Chris Sutton, upon his return from a rehab facility in Cancun, was detained for several hours by Homeland Security agents for “suspicious comments” made upon arriving in Detroit prior to Hopslam’s championship clinching game…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
Donde est Rico…?
PLAYA DEL CARMEN– Success and fame are fickle friends, and no one understands this more than one-time D1 goalie Rico Winowiecko, aka Rico Savo. Following his 5-4 win in Game 1 of the D1 championship series for the Winter 2017…
Legend of Bernie Vance Grows
ANN ARBOR– Mercurial hockey legend Bernard “Bernie” Vance was said to have appeared in the Winter 2017 playoffs, but was noticeably absent in the championship celebration following Hopslam’s 3-2 victory Monday night. “I didn’t even see him leave,” said defenseman…
Hopslam Wins In Accordance with Prophecy
ANN ARBOR– According to the ancient text known in academic circles as the Riley Codex, Hopslam was guaranteed a championship for the Winter 2017 season. In fact, the Ashley’s team defeated the Ice Men 3-2 in Game 2 of the…
El Neto Signed for Hopslam
CANCUN– VP of Operations Chris Sutton announced Thursday from his hotel in Cancun that Mexico’s winningest goaltender and national treasure Rico “El Neto” Winowiecko has been signed in time for Hopslam’s championship series opener Saturday night against the Ice Men.…
Participation Trophy Anticipated
RUINATION– Ruination fell to Black Ops 8-9 Saturday evening, stretching their championship slump to five seasons. “I only have myself to blame,” said GM Mark Woods. “Mostly because hardly anyone ever showed up this season.” Explained Woods: “Apparently, things like spending…
Goalie Gets Great Night’s Rest
BELLEVUE– Goaltender Jeff Phillion reportedly got “eight solid [hours]” of sleep Thursday night, interrupted only by a text from teammate Matt Okray at 945pm asking if he was playing in Hopslam’s 7-1 win over Gates at Yost Ice Arena. “What…