ANN ARBOR– Hopslam continued its winning streak Tuesday in its 5-2 win over the Yaks, adding legitmacy to defenseman Alex Riley’s surprising guarantee of a championship this season. “I am personally guaranteeing a championship this season,” Riley boldly stated upon returning…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
Playing Hockey Slips in Polls
ANN ARBOR– A recent Pew Research Center poll showed “playing hockey” dropped slightly in the rankings Sunday following Hopslam’s Saturday night forfeiture to Sasquatch. “Playing hockey ain’t what she used to be,” sang several older men with hockey jerseys stained…
Fifth and Sixth Seal of Apocalypse Opened
ANN ARBOR– Biblical eschatologists concluded that the “fifth and sixth seal” have been opened, inching mankind ever closer to the Apocalypse written in the Book of Revelation, sources reported Thursday following Hopslam’s 7-3 win over Ruination and the recent presidential…
Holiday Radio Station Takes Lead
DETROIT– Local radio station WNIC 100.3 FM announced Tuesday that it is actually playing Christmas music for the 2017 holiday season, deciding to get a 13-month jump ahead of any rival stations. “We’ll be playing It’s the Most Wonderful Time of…
Winowiecki Quick to Quidditch
ORLANDO– Richard “Ricky” Winowiecki, star defenseman for Ashley’s Hopslam, announced Wednesday following Hopslam 3-1 win over the WT Killer Bees that he will be joining the Orlando Potter-mouths of the Nation Quidditch League (NQL). “We’re sho ec-schited,” said league president…
Stand-Up Comic Tries Out New Hockey Material
LIVONIA-Up and coming stand-up comedian Jake “the Fake” Pierson was inspired by Ashley’s Hopslam and Ruination Tuesday night, despite the team’s 2-5 loss to the Ice Dogs and 3-6 loss to the Ice-o-Topes C. “I’ve added about 10 minutes of…
Bradshaw’s Warning Clearly Ignored
ANN ARBOR– Often seen as more of a parody than a prophet, Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw was once again ignored regarding his message of the shingles virus, with disastrous consequences, including a 2-3 loss for Hopslam Saturday night.…