Category: Hopslam

Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team

Stand-Up Comic Tries Out New Hockey Material

LIVONIA-Up and coming stand-up comedian Jake “the Fake” Pierson was inspired by Ashley’s Hopslam and Ruination Tuesday night, despite the team’s 2-5 loss to the Ice Dogs and 3-6 loss to the Ice-o-Topes C. “I’ve added about 10 minutes of…

Bradshaw’s Warning Clearly Ignored

ANN ARBOR– Often seen as more of a parody than a prophet, Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw was once again ignored regarding his message of the shingles virus, with disastrous consequences, including a 2-3 loss for Hopslam Saturday night.…

Newbies Get Forrest Gump Treatment

ANN ARBOR– Hopslam newcomers Brendan Kennedy, Leo Betz, and Griffen Munzel were subjected to “Forrest Gump” hazing in Tuesday’s 2-2 tie with the Yaks. “This line’s taken,” said an unnamed grubby Alabama schoolboy, possibly Bobby Boy Brock. “Taken,” said another…

Ashley’s Clothing Store Offers Ties

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Clothing Store announced early Thursday that it now offers a new clothing option– ties! “We’re happy to announce that we have all the ties you need,” said haberdasher Mark Woods. The 5-5 collection features ties from Ruination…

GM’s New Quiet Life of Painting

PORTLAND, MN– Citing the “stress managing a storied franchise,” GM Mark Woods stepped down from the helm prior to the Fall season, opting for a contemplative life on the shores of Maine, where he now spends his time pursuing the…

Hopslam Tie Blamed on Multi-Tasking

ANN ARBOR– Hopslam stumbled a bit Tuesday night, giving up a third period 2-goal lead to finish with a 4-4 tie with the Ice Dogs. In the post-game analysis, GM Mark Woods cited recent studies indicating that multi-tasking and the…

Brock: Hopslam Hunger Strike

ANN ARBOR– Citing issues of racism and the need to “drop a few pounds before the holidays,” Hopslam forward Bob Brock announced that he has vowed not to eat until newly-hired GM Tim Wolfe resigned.”I’m hungry,” said Brock, presumably hungry…