ANN ARBOR– Hopslam newcomers Brendan Kennedy, Leo Betz, and Griffen Munzel were subjected to “Forrest Gump” hazing in Tuesday’s 2-2 tie with the Yaks. “This line’s taken,” said an unnamed grubby Alabama schoolboy, possibly Bobby Boy Brock. “Taken,” said another…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
Ashley’s Clothing Store Offers Ties
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Clothing Store announced early Thursday that it now offers a new clothing option– ties! “We’re happy to announce that we have all the ties you need,” said haberdasher Mark Woods. The 5-5 collection features ties from Ruination…
GM’s New Quiet Life of Painting
PORTLAND, MN– Citing the “stress managing a storied franchise,” GM Mark Woods stepped down from the helm prior to the Fall season, opting for a contemplative life on the shores of Maine, where he now spends his time pursuing the…
Hopslam Tie Blamed on Multi-Tasking
ANN ARBOR– Hopslam stumbled a bit Tuesday night, giving up a third period 2-goal lead to finish with a 4-4 tie with the Ice Dogs. In the post-game analysis, GM Mark Woods cited recent studies indicating that multi-tasking and the…
Brock: Hopslam Hunger Strike
ANN ARBOR– Citing issues of racism and the need to “drop a few pounds before the holidays,” Hopslam forward Bob Brock announced that he has vowed not to eat until newly-hired GM Tim Wolfe resigned.”I’m hungry,” said Brock, presumably hungry…
Rocky Ruination Rematch
ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination made good in its rematch with Hopslam in a fight that went down to the wire, lifting itself up to a 5-1 victory over a somewhat over-confident reigning champion. “Last time, Ruination went distance, but just couldn’t…
Spoiler Alert! Lopez to Leave Ashley’s
ANN ARBOR–Fans of Ashley’s Hockey, Michigan’s top-rated hockey-related drama, were shocked to discover Shawn Lopez (who plays “Slopes” on the show) will be leaving this week. “It was tough writing him out of the show so quickly,” admitted head writer…