FORT WALTON BEACH– Stranded on a not quite tropical island, GM Mark Woods waited intently for a message to come through the coconut smartphone he cobbled together with palmetto leaves, fishing string, and a half-charged Amazon Fire phone. “The waiting…
Category: Hopslam
Updates specific to Ashley’s Hopslam team
Wisconsin Hillbillies Distract, Entertain
ATLANTA– Sportswriter Mark Woods found it “kinda difficult” to write about Hopslam’s 4-0 win Tuesday night while waiting at the Atlanta terminal for his flight Thursday afternoon when three passengers purportedly from Wisconsin discussed everything from friend’s pregnancies to septuagenarian…
Clean Game Confuses Players
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam topped the Cleveland Steamers 6-2 Saturday night in a game that did not feature anything resembling dirty play. “This is what it feels like to simply be tired rather than hurting and tired,” asked Hopslam forward Jon…
GM’s Evil Plot to Improve Team Exposed!
ANN ARBOR– “So, how many C-League players did you have on your roster tonight?” asked a Sasquatch player following Hopslam’s 6-2 win over Sasquatch in Tuesday night’s quarterfinal play. And with those words, GM Mark Woods’s covert plan to dominate…
No Bowl Game for Hopslam
HOPSLAM– Wednesday night’s 2-3 loss to Sasquatch dropped the team to 13-6-3 for the season, and ensured that they, like the Michigan Wolverines, will not be going to a bowl game come January 1. “This loss really hurts,” said GM…
Goalie Apocalypse Gorham’s Gain
ANN ARBOR– Triumph over tragedy occurred Tuesday night after it was discovered that an “apocalyptic dearth” of goalies led to Steve Gorham’s unlikely rise to super beer league stardom, as Ashley’s Hopslam defeated the Ice-o-topes 2-1 in hard fought game.…
Hopslam: “I Never Taped Bill Cosby”
ANN ARBOR– The controversy over legendary comedian Bill Cosby continued as several Hopslam players were forced to defend themselves against allegations of engaging in illegal copyright infringements– transferring Cosby’s vinyl record albums to cassette, or “taping,” following their 3-3 tie with the…