DRUG STORE AISLE– Medicated creams and sprays spelled certain doom for Aventinus as they lost 0-3 to North Coast Sunday night to end their playoff hopes. Team captain Lindsay Aspercreme guided his squad to a decisive victory, crediting it to…
Category: Aventinus
Updates specific to Ashley’s Aventinus team
Even Steven Ashley’s Weekend
HOPSLAM– An 8-2 win over Sasquatch Saturday night left Hopslam feeling confident that it could supplant an obscure Canadian super hero team known as Alpha Flight. “Who?” said pretty much everybody except for die-hard comic book fans in the 1980s, particularly…
Leafs Win Stanley Cup, Cheer Like They Did
ANN ARBOR– Aventinus had the misfortune of hearing Leafs forward Scott Kulhanek “woo!” a few too many times in their 1-8 loss Wednesday night. “You’d think they won the Stanley Cup,” said defenseman Mark Woods. In fact, they did not…
Weekend at Ashley’s
RUINATION– Contemporary pop band Five For Fighting (including lead singer Matt Schaefer, David Branch on guitar, John Vella on drums, Al Johnson on bass, and Dave Winn on bongos) faced down Thompson’s Pizza, falling 0-9 Saturday, leaving the group to…
Aventinus Scores Million Billion Goals, Assists
ANN ARBOR– Despite losing 2-5 to Goon Squad 2, Aventinus allegedly scored “like a bazillion goals” in what has been billed as a “souped up” game. Goaltender Chris Sutton “had a hat trick” according to sources. “This is especially noteworthy…
Ashley’s Weekend Round-Up
HOPSLAM– Bob Brock scored his first goal of the season in a 6-0 win over St. Anky Beer Saturday night, noting that goaltender Brittany Zeches was stellar in her shoutout of the team, and that he is currently paying about…
“Johnston Yelled at Me”
ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Mark Woods was reportedly chastised Wednesday night in Aventinus’s 5-1 win over the Goal Diggers for “feathering” the puck. “He yelled at me for not passing it hard enough,” said Woods. In the second period, Woods (goal)…